Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
