Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
