The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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