he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
