totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
