apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
