just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
