I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
