Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize
