She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
