So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
