if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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