At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
