No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
