if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
