Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
