Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
