drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
