After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
