What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
