I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
