My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
