someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
