I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
