I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
