when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
