tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
