I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
