Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
