didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're using joints as your birthday candles
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
