I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
