Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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