cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
