i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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