youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
