she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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