just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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