i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am available for nakedness
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
