you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
