Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
