I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
