that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
