Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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