And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
