Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
