1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
