Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
