She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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