That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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