So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
