it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
