I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
