My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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